Still memorizing the pattern on the ceiling...

I think my daughter likes to come in and poke me every now and then just to make sure I'm still alive. My son came in today and said it would be weird if I stayed like this forever. They're not used to seeing me down. At least they're not kicking me;). Today I watched a movie to pass some time, finished a book, and tried learning to crochet. I thought I'd be pumping out a new crocheted scarf each day in bed, but I got frustrated and will need to keep practicing. I'm trying to stay positive so the crochet needle got put away. The scarf production will have to wait.

Bed rest isn't as great as it sounds!

Alright, so I'm not going to lie, the first 12 hours or so of bed rest are pretty nice! Laying in freshly washed sheets, my mom bringing in amazing food, complete silence because my kids are quickly ushered out if they get too loud or wiggly, and new jammies are all pretty awesome! Then after the first 12 hours pass, my back and bum get sore, I have a rat's nest on the back of my head, my entire mattress seems to disagree with my body, there's nothing left to watch or read, and my mind becomes obsessed with wanting to know if/when the embryos will implant. I haven't taken even one nap to pass the time because the high levels of hormones I'm on make it hard to even close my eyes. Time is pretty much standing still. OK, I won't complain again, but it feels good to vent! I'm actually super glad to be stuck in bed hopefully growing some babies!

Transfer Day!!!

Today was a long awaited day for our family! The morning got crazy getting my son out the door to school, my mister having to run into work, finalizing bed rest preparations, picking up another last minute prescription, and then racing to be at the clinic by 10 am. We checked in, I began drinking my 32 oz. of water to fill my bladder, and then we talked with the embryologist. He had walked by a few times while we were waiting and I was convinced his expression was going to bring us terrible news about only one embryo surviving and that the quality wasn't very good, which would mean our chances of pregnancy were slim. I was totally trembling when we finally talked to him. He reported that two of the six embryos had survived. One looked awesome and one looked pretty good. He recommended and we decided to put both embryos in. He said I should get pregnant and that we have a 50/50 chance of twins. I felt a little stressed that there were not any extra to freeze to help take some pressure off, but then realized I was being greedy and needed to focus on the positive, which has been hard for me since this process failed for us last time. I think my acupuncturist noticed I needed to absorb everything, because she had me pop my Valium (the only medication used for the transfer procedure) and filled me up with acupuncture needles to calm me and my uterus. A "quiet" uterus is important for the embryos. By the time it was time to go to the transfer room I was calm and all cozy wrapped up in a warm blanket. The procedure is only about 15 minutes and using ultrasound the embryos are dropped into the uterus by the reproductive endocrinologist and embryologist. We even watched on the big screen while our babies were drawn up from their lab tubes, filled into the catheter, and then the doctors do a countdown to coordinate placing the embryos and removing the tube. On the ultrasound screen you couldn't see the microscopic embryos but you could see two flashes of light where the medium surrounding the embryos shows up. The worst part of the entire procedure was the full bladder! By this point I'm totally feeling the 32 oz. I drank an hour prior to the procedure, but I have to lay flat another 15 minutes or so. Then, regardless of the fact that I feel like I'm going to leave a mess on the floor, I'm nervous about standing up and disturbing the embryos. My nurse compares the transferred embryos to two grains of sand in a peanut butter sandwich. Repeating that to myself, I shuffled to the bathroom. To be sure my uterus is happy, I had one more acupuncture treatment before going home and getting in bed. Now the waiting begins and it's all up to the embryos to implant into their new home! Here is their first picture:

Final preparations

Today was a busy day! It's a lot of work getting ready to be on bed rest! I had another acupuncture treatment, finalized meal plans, laundry, cleaning, finished up home projects, etc. It's crazy that we won't even know about the embryo(s) until we arrive at the clinic tomorrow! We are very nervous and excited!

Getting closer . . .

Today included a trip to the clinic in the morning to check my hormone levels.  One of them was so high that the lab couldn't even read it!  My nurse said this is a good thing and to continue doing what I'm doing.  Hopefully, all of this will equate to a fluffy and welcoming uterus for our embryo on Tuesday.  I also stayed home from church today as some of my medications compromise my immune system and an illness right now could be detrimental to our transfer.  I'm pretty sure any nasty illness anyone in our home has had, unfortunately came from our loving church family.;)  We need to trick my body into not rejecting the embryo.  Most of my medicines also need to be taken with food and are so frequent that these days leading up to transfer are difficult to go too far from my house for extended periods of time.  Some of the meds also require me to be near a bathroom.  My mom and I "nested" by making 4 loaves of wheat bread, homemade granola, pumpkin cookies, and a yummy dinner.  The fridge and pantry are stocked so we are ready to be confined to the house for a few days after the transfer.

Today we had the option of talking to the embryologist about how our embryos are doing in the lab at this point (3 day old embryos).  We decided not to call.  Day 3 embryos do not necessarily indicate anything about how they'll be on day 5, transfer day.  They can look awful and improve and vice versa.  They are changing through the morula stage today and hopefully getting ready to be strong blastocysts.  We would have only worried and over analyzed each embryos' quality and cell count.  I'm just trying to stay positive and envision happy, dividing embryos in the lab right now.  The embryologist did promise to call today if they had terrible news about our embryos.  There was no call, so we are assuming that is a good sign!

Preparations

In addition to my current medications, heavy hormonal support was begun today in order to prepare my uterus for our upcoming embryo transfer in a few days.  I'm so spacey right now and misplaced my checklist and had to put in an emergency phone call to my nurse early this morning!  My IVF checklist is basically my brain right now and guides me through my daily medicines and appointments.  I carry it around and my life has to revolve around everything on the often changing checklist happening at the exact listed scheduled times.  No worries, my nurse got my up so speed.;)  The additional hormones have me hungry all the time and occasional waves of nausea especially at night if I go more than a few hours without eating.  I don't know how anyone could go through IVF without weight gain!  On a positive note though, my hair and nails are growing like weeds from all of the mega-vitamins!;)    

First Embryo Report

The embryologist called this morning to inform us that all 6 mature embryos fertilized!  We are thrilled with this news, but are still nervous about each of them making it through each day with good cell division.  By day 3 last time, 3 of our 4 embryos had stopped dividing.  Our specific ART (artificial reproductive treatment) is IVF with ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection), and the embryologist mentioned that the ICSI procedure had gone well.  Picking out 6 perfect swimmers from a pool of 40 million is not a job that I would want!  My sister asked if they play romantic music in the lab during this part of the process . . . ha, ha, they probably should!;)  I felt really good today!  My mom, daughter, and I even went out to lunch and shopping for a few hours to celebrate.  I've only had about 12 pills to take today (ha, ha), so other than popping pills in the restaurant, it was an easy day to get away without worrying about a bringing a cooler full of syringes.  Tomorrow more hormones will be added in order to get my uterus prepared for the embryo(s) to be put back in, so the "crazy lady" might pay a visit again.;)  Overall, today was a good day on the IVF roller coaster and that's all I can do is take one day at a time!

Retrieval Day

The retrieval went well today.  I'm a little crampy, but Tylenol is doing the trick.  I also had a nasty wave of nausea earlier in the day, but the anesthesia seems to be making its way out now.  We are still nervous and awaiting our phone call tomorrow morning regarding our fertilized embryo count.  For today, we know that about 12 embryos were retrieved but only about half were mature.  Higher numbers would have been more comforting, but for now we are grateful to have any and hope for just one to make it to the blastocyst stage.  Last time we lost 75% of our embryos on day 3, which was so disappointing.  We're hoping that this batch are better quality embryos that will do well in the lab until it is time to transfer them back home.  It was hard to leave the clinic today, I wanted to stand over them in the lab and tell them they can do it!;)

My favorite moment of the day was a reminder that through all of this I have been in good hands.  After they wheeled me into the surgery room away from my mister, my doctor came in right before I fell asleep.  Despite, the 5 other people (anesthesiologist, nurse, U/S tech, and two embryologists) in the room, he took my hand, and asked how I was doing.  I was freezing, which might partially be a nervous reaction for me, and he quickly grabbed two blankets and tucked me in head to toe.  I so appreciated that and drifted peacefully off to sleep.  The next thing I remember was waking up in recovery and my mister said I was just as chatty as could be and very repetitive.  He does a great imitation.  So funny, because I don't remember talking to anyone!  

The next several weeks are stressful!  It's just a daily waiting game to see which embryos survive and then waiting to see who implants.  Honestly, I think I would prefer a zillion shots a day and getting to this point rather than the constant worry that we now face!  Regardless of how busy and distracted I stay, from today until the first pregnancy test (which should be June 6th) time will stand still.  Hopefully, we will wake up to positive embryo news tomorrow morning, which would be great!

Embryo Retrieval Eve

There's not too much to report today other than I feel yucky!  I'm excited for retrieval tomorrow, but also nervous about the 1,000 things that need to go perfectly in order for things to go well.  The retrieval procedure itself is not bad.  I get an IV, fall asleep, using ultrasound guidance my doctor extracts the mature eggs, and then they wake me up.  I'm sure I won't even recall the drive home, but I will hopefully post an update of our embryo count tomorrow night.  We need lots of prayers and I know miracles happen every day!  Hopefully, we have one tomorrow!

Trigger Time!

Today's ultrasound showed some great growth, so we are ready to go!  I attribute the new growth to an awesome acupuncture treatment we did as a last ditch effort last night.  My estradiol level climbed a little too much, so we have small case of OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome) on our hands.  This just means more meds to help counteract that and that my belly is huge!  It hurts to bend or even put on a seatbelt.  My nurse is predicting that we'll retrieve 7-9 embryos and hopefully even have some extra fertilized embryos to biopsy and freeze, which for us is great!  Keeping up with the appointments and med schedules feels like a full time job right now.  Our retrieval is scheduled for 8:30 Thursday, which is exactly 36 hours after my HCG trigger injection.  My nurse used a Sharpie to draw a circle to show my mister where my trigger injection was supposed to go on my bottom, and we got a good laugh when we realized she had drawn a smiley face.  For now, the plan is no more injections!  Hooray!  There are still a lot of meds, but just a little less painful.  I'm so thankful for that because my belly is beyond tender!  So, how many shots did it take to get to retrieval . . . 53!  

IVF Cycle Day 11

I was not expecting to make it to this day without a trigger shot!  My follicles didn't grow as much from yesterday to today and are still too small to trigger for retrieval.  I'm totally freaking out and today has been really hard!  My doctor called and doesn't think we have hit a "plateau," but that we might need another day or so to grow.  I also had different ultrasound techs yesterday and today, so that might have something to do with the measurements.  Apparently, no two u/s techs measure exactly the same.  We really need to see some more growth tomorrow, and I could really use some positive news!  My doctor said if the growth continues as she predicts though, we should be able to retrieve around 7-9 embryos, which is good for us.  At this point, I'm just so ready to be waking up from the anesthesia and having my mister telling me how many embryos were retrieved!  Thursday or Friday cannot come soon enough!

IVF Cycle Day 10

Here are the results from this morning's ultrasound (the numbers representing the size of each follicle):

Left ovary - 15, 15, 15, 14, 10, 10

Right overy - 16, 14, 14, 14, 12, 12, 12, 11

It sounds like we have a steady pack of 7 now (those 14's and 15's), which I'm happy with.  I'm still hopeful that some of those outliers might join the group as well.  I'll have another ultrasound and more blood work tomorrow morning.  Then, we will likely begin talking about my trigger shot and preparing for the retrieval 36 hours after that.  There will be a lot of waiting the next few weeks.  We will retrieve, then wait for 5 days to see who succeeds to the blastocyst stage, then we'll transfer and then wait another 10 days or so to see if implantation/pregnancy occurs.  I so wish I could push a fast forward button right now!      

IVF Cycle Day 9

How many injections are we at today, you ask???  38!  My belly is feeling a lot like a pin cushion and is very tender and bruised.  I'm loving stretchy pants!  Today I had a crazy acupuncture treatment.  I was face down with needles all over my body and especially my lower back in order to provide some good support for those growing follicles.  Getting set up was a little uncomfortable because I hate being on my stomach and the back needles are a little creepy to me, but by the end I'm pretty sure I was drooling on the floor kind of relaxed!;)  My acupuncturist is awesome and also knows which points help me to relax.  I joke with her that after some treatments I practically need a designated driver!  She's also pretty much my therapist, often talking me off the ledge during this journey.;)  Hopefully, tomorrow's ultrasound will show some of the outlying follicles catching up, and I will definitely have acupuncture to thank!

Rollercoaster!

Today I was reminded of what a roller coaster IVF is!  I do not like roller coasters;), so this is not a ride I like being on most days.  My blood work was favorable today as was my ultrasound.  However, the follicles have me stressed and nervous as our numbers aren't quite as good as I hoped they would be.  Today, there were 8 follicles on the right and 5 on the left.  There is a pack of about 6 growing nicely together, with the other 7 or so kind of being "outliers."  Outliers will not be useful to us in our upcoming embryo retrieval if they are not at the same maturation level as the main pack.  Follicles that are too big or too small cannot be used to retrieve embryos.  My toes and fingers are crossed that some of these outliers will catch up to the rest of the pack.  Timing is everything!  For us, it's also a numbers game as not all of our embryos will be successfully fertilized due to our sperm quality.  I know, my husband and I are a hot mess when it comes to fertility!;)  Last time, we retrieved 5 embryos and only 1 made it to the blastocyst stage to be transferred.  Usually I "keep calm and call my mom," but I can tell she is nervous too.  For now, I'm trying to stay distracted and calm.  We celebrated my 8 year old son's birthday tonight, so him and his 12 little friends were a good and exhausting distraction.;)  Sunday's ultrasound will have new and hopefully improved results!  Positive thoughts . . .

IVF Cycle Day 7

Not much to report today, just trying to be patient with this process.  A lot will be going on next week, so I need to appreciate the quiet this week.  Physically I feel pretty good, but emotionally I'm a mess!  Hands down, the emotional aspect of IVF is the hardest part!  The process itself is stressful, but all of the hormones make me into quite the crazy lady!  One minute I'm happy, the next meaning I'm can't stop crying!  My moods are usually pretty stable, so this loss of control is hard for me.  I'm trying to just relax and think before I say or do anything.  Just a warning, ignore the crazy lady!;)

First Ultrasound Day

Today was our first ultrasound of this cycle to take a peak at what we'll be working with.  Everything looks great in these early stages.  We had 5 nice looking follicles on each side, which is way more than I had last time.  Very encouraging!  My estradiol level also came back at a favorable level.  Only one minor adjustment was made to my meds.  For now, we'll just sit back, keep doing what we're doing, and recheck things in about 48 hours.

IVF Cycle Day 5

I noticed my sharps container is already getting full, so I took a count . . . 17 shots by cycle day 5!  Prior to entering the world of IVF, I'm pretty sure that is more shots than I've had in 32 years!  Honestly, they really aren't a big deal at all.  I had someone tell me that they could never do IVF because of the injections.  How sad!!!  I'd do a 1,000 shots a day if it there was a new baby on the other side!;)

IVF Cycle Day 4

Today "my swell" began after acupuncture.  I'm a big believer in the power of acupuncture and today's treatment kicked my follicles into gear.  Shortly after my treatment, it was as if my body said, "okay, let's do this!"  Thus, my belly is getting big, AKA "swelling."  I love the way ancient and modern medicine harmonize at this point in IVF.  It's as if the acupuncture tells my body that it is okay to let the ridiculous amount of chemicals being dumped into my body work the way they should.  While I don't like that I can't even button my "big girl" jeans, I will be thrilled to ditch my waistline for the next 10 months or so!

My mister and I have pretty much mastered the injections.  I ran home from acupuncture and it was time for two injections.  He was finishing mowing the lawn, 5 neighbor kids were at our house, 2 of those neighbor parents had dropped by, dinner was done in the oven, homework needed to be done, etc., etc.  While walking a parent through the house to the backyard, I detoured to the kitchen where my meds were in the fridge.  I drew up the meds and summoned the mister to meet me in the study.  About 30 seconds later, we were back in the yard with the neighbors as if we had never left.  We're a pretty good team!  I do my own Lupron injections, but the others that sting have to have someone else's steady hand.

Staying on top of all of the appointments and injections has definitely made our lives busier.  However, now that I have "my swell" to stare at, why we are doing all of this is becoming very real!

IVF Cycle Day 3

Today we pulled out the big guns!  Happy Mother's Day to me!  Let's hope this was a good omen!  We woke up bright and early to get the morning injections ready.  Even for a nurse, sometimes making sense of so many medications can be tricky.  The pressure is even worse when you are concentrating a vial of medicine that is crucial to your IVF cycle being a success and also costs $500 per vial!  Today we added Saizen, Follistim, and Menopur to our recipe.  I seriously already feel my ovaries burning and have a headache, which is one of the side effects.  I like how my sharps container matches the Mother's Day roses:    

 Here's what I pulled out of my first shipment of meds:

"Green Light!"

Today's ultrasound and estradiol results were good . . . here we go!  I added Lupron injections twice a day to the mix today.  Tomorrow, Mother's Day no less, I will be adding Menopur, Saizen, and Follistim injections.  These will all continue until Wednesday, which is when we'll take our first look at how many follicles my ovaries are producing.  Follicles usually contain embryos, which are what we'll retrieve the following week.  For now, I have to be vigilant about receiving my medications on time every day and think thoughts of lots of maturing follicles.  I'm already feeling the "IVF fog," which is how I describe the way I feel when on all of these nasty meds.  I'm hungry and nauseated all the time, but functioning so people (AKA my husband), don't think I look sick.  I'm also extremely irritable, especially about things that normally don't bother me and so exhausted.  Let's hope my family can survive me the next few weeks!

IVF "Hardly" Day 1

Today is officially IVF Cycle Day 1!  Don't be fooled by the title though, things have been under way for weeks.  The three weeks leading up to this have included oral medications, lab work, ultra sounds, a doppler study, a trial embryo transfer, nursing consults, phone calls with the IVF pharmacy back east, cryopreserving some of my hubby's swimmers, acupuncture, and a hysteroscopy (which mine was actually done during my surgery 6 weeks ago).  For anyone that thinks you walk into an IVF clinic and walk out glowing with pregnancy, you couldn't be more wrong!  Cycle Day 1 is really more of a calm day before the storm.  My only medications today are continuing prescription strength prenatal vitamins (hooray, we found some that don't completely shut down my bowels;)), folgard, and beginning dexamethasone (I'm already ravenous and insatiable after one dose).  Tomorrow morning is actually a big day when I go in at 7:30 am on a Saturday for an ultrasound and blood work.  If the ultrasound and estradiol levels are favorable, we get a "green light" to move forward with this cycle.  This is a nerve wracking day for me, because in January this was the day we got a devastating "red light" when a cyst was discovered. . . the cycle was canceled, over $6,000 worth of meds were put in my closet in hopes we might eventually get to use them before they expire, and our focus had to shift from baby making to my health.  Cycle Day 2 is a big deal!;)